Leslie Knope: Our next item up for bid is the naming rights for our children's tent, so let's start the bidding at $1,000, please.
Councilman Jamm: I'll bid 100 bucks.
Leslie Knope: 1,000? Anyone want to-- Oh, thank you, madam. A very wealthy and elegant-looking woman with a diamond-encrusted eye patch just raised her hand. Don't look at her. She doesn't like attention, but she's there. She's real. So do I hear 2,000? Ooh, yeah, here we go. The sheik has thrown his hat into the ring. Well...
Councilman Jamm: There's no sheik.
Leslie Knope: It looks like we've got a real bidding war between...
Councilman Jamm: There's no bidding war. No one's talking...
Leslie Knope: An elegant--
Councilman Jamm: 'Cause there's no sheik, and there's no old lady with a diamond-- What is it, a diamond eye patch?
Leslie Knope: 3,000, says the gentleman...
Councilman Jamm: There's no 3,000.
Leslie Knope: With the crazy hat and a monkey on his shoulder.
Councilman Jamm: It's 100 bucks. It's my bid.
Leslie Knope: That is outrageous.
Councilman Jamm: That's the only bid out there right now. Naming rights for the kids' tent go to Jamm Orthodontics for 100 smackers. [bangs gavel] Now that is the steal of the day.