Leslie Knope: Douche! Hey, Douche! Councilman Howser.
Councilman Howser: Councilwoman Knope.
The Douche: 'Sup, Leslie? You wanna funk this junk in the back of my trunk? [laughs] That was the Douche talking.
Leslie Knope: Okay, look, Ann is not interviewing you for her blog. She's thinking about having a baby, and she's considering you as a possible donor.
The Douche: Wow. [sighs] You know, I've thought a lot about having kids. It's the next big step in this grand adventure that we call life.
Leslie Knope: Frankly, I don't think you would be the right man for the job.
The Douche: Well, frankly, I don't think it's for you to decide. You know, if we had a little girl, I would name her Elizabeth, after my grandmother. She was this strong, amazing woman. And if we had a boy, I don't know, I'd name him something funny, like "Dick" or "O.J." [laughs] Guess I have a lot to consider.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: My God. I have driven Ann right into the belly of the Douche.