Diane Lewis: She just knows you so well, and I was starting to wonder if I was ever gonna get to that point. I'm worried that maybe there isn't room in your life for another woman.
Ron Swanson: At this very moment, Leslie is throwing herself in front of a freight train named Tammy for me and you. Leslie is a wonderful, loyal friend, who is very important in my life, but I would sooner visit Europe than have something romantic happen between us. Although, if you'd like to visit Europe, I like you so much, I'd be willing to risk it.
Diane Lewis: But not France, right?
Ron Swanson: God, no. See? You know me pretty well already, but you're about to get to know me even better. I brought you here because I want to show you something that almost no one knows about. Certainly not Tammy, and not even Leslie Knope.
Emcee: Ladies and gentleman, and especially the ladies, put your hands together for the one, the only, my man, Mr. Duke Silver. [cheers and applause]
Ron Swanson: A mighty fine holiday evening to you all. It might be cold outside, but it's about to get warm all up in my jazz. I, of course, am Duke Silver, and I would like to dedicate this first song... to my duchess. [Jazzy version of "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" plays]
Woman #1: You're so lucky.
Woman #2: I'm going to kill you.