Bill Haggardy: Bill Haggardy, Pawnee historical society. I'm supposed to be meeting with Ron Swanson.
Leslie Knope: I understand that. He's tied up right now.
Bill Haggardy: What a shocker. I've been trying to meet with him three months and now he's not available. It's probably too late now, but, uh, some rich woman, Jessica Wicks, has rented out Turnbill Mansion for a party and she's making alterations.
Leslie Knope: "Alterations"?
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Turnbill Mansion is one of the most beloved historical sites in Pawnee. In 1867, the progressive Reverend Turnbill officiated a wedding between a white woman and a Wamapoke Indian chief. The secret ceremony was beautiful and romantic. But then word got out and the reception was a bloodbath. Fortunately, there were two survivors. Unfortunately, they were both horses.