Ron Swanson: More important than that and more important than anything in this godforsaken world is finding me an assistant.
Tom: You get an assistant now?
Ron Swanson: Yeah, I've always been able to have one, but I've turned it down 'cause it's a waste of money. In the eight years I've been at the job, I've saved the taxpayers of this city more than 150 grand. But now, I need the taxpayers' money to save me from the taxpayers. Post this at your college.
April: This looks like an ad for nothing.
[A white sheet of paper with only the text "Job: assistant to man. Low pay. Apply at Parks Department"]
Ron Swanson: Please be careful with it, it's my only copy.