Schmidt: Your mouth nailed her mouth.
Jess: For the record, no one nailed my mouth. That's important to me. Also, we didn't do anything wrong.
Schmidt: Do you know nothing about men?
Jess: Yeah, I know nothing about men. That's why I'm wearing a short skirt and wool tights.
Schmidt: A woman cannot be in close quarters with three men and kiss one of them. What fuels men? Competition and sex. That's why the United Nations was formed, that's why girls aren't allowed on pirate ships, and that is why there is a no-nail oath in apartment 4D, and deep down inside, Nick knows that I'm right.