Schmidt: It's all good, man, all right? It's all "smoove in the groove." Mellow, man. Mega-mellow.
Nick: Okay. Schmidt, what the hell are you doing?
Schmidt: You don't think about me?
Nick: What are you talking about? Earlier today, when I gave you the cookie, I heard very clearly, "I don't think about you, Schmidt."
Nick: Why would I think about you?!
Schmidt: Because we're friends, we're not animals.
Nick: We're men, Schmidt! The only time a man is allowed to think about another man is when that man is Jay Cutler.
Schmidt: I don't know who Jay Cutler is!
Nick: Why are you saying "Cutler" like that?
Schmidt: And I also don't know what is allowed in the Cold-Hearted Republic of Nick Miller, but I do know how I feel.
Nick: Ugh!