Hank Johansen: What the hell are you doing?! Are you trying to kiss me?
Adrian Monk: No, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Mr. Johansen, hi. I'm Captain Leland Stottlemeyer. I'm a homicide detective. This is Lieutenant Disher.
Hank Johansen: Who's your lady friend?
Captain Stottlemeyer: This is Adrian Monk. He's a special consultant.
Hank Johansen: What happened to your nose? You get shot?
Adrian Monk: Shot? No, no. But it is bleeding pretty badly.
Hank Johansen: I caught a bullet in my nose in Korea. It still hurts like a son of a bitch, but you don't hear me crying about it.
Adrian Monk: I'm not crying.
Hank Johansen: But you want to, don't you? Yeah, he wants to cry. Yeah. I'm gonna call you Soft Serve. Like the ice cream. Soft and squishy.
Adrian Monk: Thank you.