TV Quotes

Mitchell: [aside to camera] It was Scotty, this local lake kid I met on vacation when I was thirteen. I had a huge crush on him, so on the last day, I decided to take a chance and I kissed him. It was my first time ever kissing a boy, so when he pulled away and said that he wasn't "into this," I was humiliated. I mean, I'd obviously misread signals. He was straight. It was five years before I ever made a move on a guy again. And even then, I wouldn't dare unless he was basically floating across the room. Which is why I ended up with... Well, you know.

Mitchell: So, um, listen. We... We actually do know each other. Uh... Mitchell Pritchett. Summer of '89? I let you have my Nintendo Game Boy?
Scotty: Mitchy Pritchy! Of course! You were mad about that Game Boy 'cause your dad got you that instead of, like, some Cher album.
Mitchell: "If I Could Turn Back Time." Which brings me to why I'm here.

Cameron: [aside to camera] This week, the world lost a great man, and I lost a mentor. For nearly 60 years, Professor Ringmaster Al Uzielli helped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona.
Mitchell: "Professor Ringmaster"?
Cameron: It's a very prestigious title at Clown College. One step below Piemaster General.

Cameron: [affected accent] The tribe elders foretold that though I lay with fire-haired man, the giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize.
Mitchell: Okay. Please stop.
Mr. Plympton: Well, uh-
Cameron: Knowledge is her sustenance. Like so much maize which, you'll remember, means corn.
Mitchell: What if I was a single dad?