Jay: I hate losing to a team with a Viking mascot. Hey, you died out and became Swedes! Hip-hip-hooray for socialism and seasonal depression!

Phil: You know, I'm as happy now as I've ever been. And look, we're in Yucaipa. That sounds like how Ewoks talk.
Mitchell: I used to sneak off to a gay bar in Yucaipa before I came out.
Phil: Huh, you don't really think of gay bars as a small-town thing.
Mitchell: Oh, yeah. They serve your rural gays, your closeted gays, your city newbies looking to get their gay sea-legs, kind of like an out-of-town tryout before they hit Broadway.

Principal Brown: Coach Tucker, students are a "protected class" and it is not okay for you, an elite white man of privilege, to bully them.
Cameron: Privilege? I-I make a teacher's salary. And I'm gay.
Principal Brown: Yeah, gay doesn't really get you the mileage that it used to. Now, if you were trans, we'd be golden.
Jay: Oh, has the whole world gone crazy?!
Cameron: Jay...
Jay: No, no, I've had it. I mean, what, everyone's so sensitive, they're gonna ruin football? In my day, our team, the Hamilton Cabbage Eaters, captained by Knish Bronstein, took on the Lincoln Banditos, QB'd by José "Speedy" Gonzales. And after three hours of pummeling each other's privates at the bottom of dog piles, we shook hands like brothers and all went to brawl the Sausage-Heads in Pierogi-Town. America. [voice breaking] Beautiful melting pot.
Cameron: Uh... How was that your life? You were in high school during the Summer of Love.