Hal Quote #648
Quote from Hal in Dewey's Opera
Lois: You're just working yourself up to get your own way. You always do that, Hal.
Hal: What should I do when I know that you looked me in the face...
[fantasy:]
Hal: [sings] And... you lied?
Lois: [sings] Don't be hysterical. You always get hysterical.
Hal: It's called having feelings. You should know. You're an expert at faking them! At least mine are real!
Lois: Hal, don't make a thing out of this!
Hal: What should a man do, when he knows that he'll never be happy again? Sing a song?
Lois: Just get a grip, Hal, don't overreact.
Hal: Overreact? I feel horrible, I feel lousy! I'm having a stroke, seriously, Lois. It feels just like one.
Men: [sing] We think it's one, too! We're sure it's one, too!
Lois: It's a panic attack, Like that time in the laundromat, Breathe into a pillow!
Women: [sing] Good idea.
Men: A pillow?! How cruel! How callous! Poor Hal!
Women: This stroke is the worst case of emotional blackmail, she's ever seen!
Lois: And... I've seen plenty!
Men: Call 911!
Hal: Tell them a blood vessel just burst in my brain, Just halfway between my neck and my nose. That's only if you care! If not, feel free To sit by while I die, and watch Leno!
Women: Blackmail!
Men: Stroke!
Women: Blackmail!
Men: Stroke!
Women: What a big baby!
Men: What a giant stroke!
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Dewey's Opera’ Quotes
Quote from Hal
Hal: Honey, honey, relax. Honey, we're married. It doesn't matter how embarrassing something is. Because no one knows it... but me.
[fantasy:]
Hal: [sings] Lois... Don't be embarrassed. I know Everything about you. I know when you, think you're alone. You have to check, if your ears have grown. Every day, before you go to work. You know how I panic, When I see a monkey. I've seen you take pizza, From the garbage and eat it! I know all of you, You know all of me. But it's only us, my love! No one else knows. No one else. No one else. No one... Else.
[reality:]
Lois: I'll return the bed.
Hal: Honey, you've fallen asleep for a week in that bed. They're not gonna take it back.
Quote from Hal
Lois: There's a reason I bought a bed that was bigger. I did want some distance from you, but it's not because I don't love you and I don't want to be close to you.
Hal: I don't understand.
Lois: There are certain things that have to happen with my body at the end of the day. Certain events that have to... transpire. And if they don't transpire, I end up with stomach cramps, and I don't want it to happen two inches away from your nose.
Hal: That's your secret?
Lois: I know it's stupid and embarrassing and I want to be sexy for you, but after 20 years, I just have to have a break from clamping down and gritting my teeth all night.
Hal: Oh, honey, I don't care about that. And it's not a secret. The second you fall asleep you let loose like a sailor.
Lois: What?
Hal: Oh, yeah, it's like when they put the balloons away after the Thanksgiving parade.
Lois: Oh, my God. I can't hear anything. You're tunneling out.
Quote from Hal
Dewey: I'm here to snitch. Reese and Malcolm are in the garage. They won't let me in, but they're building something. If you want help in the penalty phase, let me know.
Hal: Dewey, I am not going to go in there and have a big fight with the boys because you've got nothing to do. We have a rule in this family about what we do when we're bored. [hands Dewey the TV remote]