TV Quotes

[When Lois pulls into the driveway with a car full of groceries, she is listening to an audio book, "A Dish Served Deadsly" ]
Man: [on tape] While Betty kept the fat man occupied, I ducked down the hallway to his office.
If I found his phone records, they would prove that he was the one who called the police station on the night of the murder.
[that night, Lois is still in the car listening to the tape as she eats the food she bought:]
Man: [on tape] All I knew was, the next person through that door would be the man who killed my partner. "Hello, McKendrick," I heard from behind me. I spun around, but standing there was...
Reese: [on tape] A stupid housewife who wouldn't let her son buy nunchuks even though they're totally safe.
Lois: Reese!

Lois: All right, Jamie. The doctor said there's no physical reason you can't talk, so that is exactly what you are going to do. Talk. He said the best way to get you started is for me to talk to you constantly about everything happening around you so that you live in a more verbal world. That means Mommy's going to narrate everything she's doing, like right now when she's going over here to make you a snack. Then it'll be time to do the laundry, and after that she gets to make dinner for the whole family. Who will wolf it down in ten seconds and leave her to do the dishes by herself before she gets to make the boys' lunches for school the next day. Then she'll get ready for bed after everybody else. And discover that the bathroom is a swampy, hairy mess, and Mommy gets to spend her last waking minutes with a sponge and a can of cleanser. Then it'll be time to wake up in the morning and she'll do it all over again. Day after day, week after week, for the next 30 years until Mommy dies. And with Mommy's luck, even that won't be the end of it!

Abe: God, I'm too late! Stevie, please stop! Think of the lawsuit! You know these people will do anything to get our money!

Dewey: It's weird to think about. Pretty soon you guys will be... gone.
Reese: Yeah. And this just sitting around hanging out... We're not going to have many more of these.
Abe: [chuckles] No, we sure won't. Seems like only yesterday you and I were going to homecoming, putting the school paper to bed, fretting over our first big date with Sharon Hines. Mmm. That kiss went on forever.
Malcolm: Uh, Mr. Kenarban, Stevie's supposed to help me work on my speech.
Abe: Right, right. Mr. Valedictorian. [chuckles] Congratulations again. I'm glad my son can help you out with your big, important speech. It's probably that selflessness that got him the second spot.
Stevie: Dad!
Abe: I'm not insulting salutatorian. It's- It's quite an honor. I'm just glad that even after I got Cedric Hampton to be the school's commencement speaker, they still had the integrity to make you valedictorian and not my crippled son.
Stevie: Go!