Hal: Excuse me. We're here for the homeowners meeting.
Jim: Oh, my God! Really? [chuckles] Oh, that's fantastic! Jim Phipps. I'm the association's attorney.
Hal: So where is everyone?
Jim: Well, I kind of am everyone. No one's ever shown up for a homeowners meeting in 20 years.
Hal: You're kidding. Not one person?
Jim: Not one, not one. I send out 150 flyers every year, exactly as mandated by the developer, but nobody ever comes. I've tried different fonts, I've upgraded the doughnuts, but people just don't seem to be interested.
Malcolm: So, every year, you rent a room, and hold a meeting for nobody?
Jim: Oh, absolutely. My contract with the developer is very clear. In exchange for a $2,000 annual retainer, I'm to conduct annual meetings, take the minutes, and manage the association's financial interests.
Hal: Financial interest?
Jim: Well, actually, there aren't any. I didn't mean to come off so self-important. Only the homeowners can decide where the money goes, so I've just been putting the dues in a savings account. The bank gave me a toaster in 1987. I never even opened the box.
Malcolm: [to camera] So, 150 homes paying 23 bucks over 20 years, passbook interest, minus the retainer... Oh, my God! If my math is right, he's sitting on at least $83,000! Who am I kidding? Of course my math is right.