Narrator: George Sr. had used his considerable means to stage intricate scenarios to teach his children what he considered valuable life lessons.
George Sr.: I need help.
J. Walter Weatherman: I'll get my gear.
Narrator: Typically, these scenarios would involve a man named J. Walter Weatherman a one-time employee who lost his arm in a Bluth Company construction accident.
Young Gob: [hitting Buster] Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?
George Sr.: We're out of milk. I could have got it earlier if someone would have left a note. [tires screech] [kids scream] Why? If someone had left a note this- this innocent man would still have his arm. Why?!
J. Walter Weatherman: And that's why you always leave a note.

George Sr.: You got to get me out of here.
Michael: You're the one that said no to prison.
George Sr.: I was wrong. There, you just have it to shut your eyes and take it. Here, you have shut your eyes and give it. Now, listen, we can't go in there and plead "not guilty". We have to have someone big behind us, our own private Matlock. So I made calls and I got him.
Michael: Got who?
George Sr.: Andy Griffith. What, you never saw Matlock?
Michael: Not a real attorney, Dad.
George Sr.: Now, for ten grand, he'll actually sit behind us in court and read the paper. For 15, he'll actually sit at the defense table. For $20,000, he'll twice lean forward and whisper something in your ear. Oh. White suit, that's extra.
Michael: Boy, that's an awful lot of money for the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
George Sr.: The juries love him.

Michael: And you want to go after these people?
George Sr.: Well, yes, it takes a little courage, Michael. I know that's not your strongest suit. You're even scared to ask a girl out on a date.
Michael: What? Why does everybody think that I'm scared of girls?
George Sr.: Because you're a chicken. You're a chicken! Coo-coo ca-cha! Coo-coo ca-cha!
Michael: What are you doing?
Lucille: Michael and women?! A-koodle-doodle doo!
Lindsay: That's what I was just telling him. Cha! Cha!
Michael: Look, I haven't found the right girl. When I do, I will ask her out. Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?