Ted: It's Barney. [answers phone] Dude, seriously you need to stop calling me.
Barney: Ted, I'm sorry, I haven't returned your calls.
Ted: Yeah I never called you, you called me fifteen times and my parents twice.
Barney: I'm sorry, I gotta let you go. It's just too many good wingmen out there. Ted are you crying?
Ted: No, I'm not.
Barney: Sh! Let it out, let it out.
Ted: Goodbye Barney. [hangs up]

Randy: Hey Barney, new Sky Mall came in. So word around the blogosphere is that you are looking for a new wingman. I wanna let you know, I'm available. Just the say the word, or don't even say the word. Just do something with you eyebrow. Was that it?
Barney: No offence, Randy, but there is a long list of candidates for this slot. This slot is for Vice President of Awesome. And you are like Assistant Under Secretary of Only O.K.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Stella and I had been dating for two months. And things were going really well. She had met my friend in past for flying colors. There was just one little problem.
Lily: You guys haven't had sex yet!!?? When Marshall and I were two months, we were doing it 24/7.
Ted: I know, I was in the top bunk. Also sat next to you at football games.