Barney Quote #268
Barney: You can keep going out with her, but you're gonna regret it. One time, I met a girl at this very bar. I saw that she had the crazy eyes but I ignored it. And then, sure enough.
[flashback:]
Lauren: Barney, can I ask you a question?
Barney: Anything.
Lauren: Would you like to have a threesome?
Barney: Of course.
Lauren: Great. It'll be you, me and Mr. Weasels. [holds up stuffed animal]
[present:]
Ted: So, did you do it?
Barney: No. It ended up being just a twosome with the third one watching from a chair.
Ted: Which one were you?
Barney: I'd rather not say.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Swarley’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Ted: All right, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that. One, it's the first joke she's ever heard, or two, she likes you. You should totally ask her out.
Marshall: You think?
Ted: Yeah, that why you're not back with Lily, right? So you can experience what it's like to be single.
Marshall: Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? What if she writes it on all the cups?
Ted: Mine says "Ted," no heart.
Barney: Mine says "Swarley." How'd they get "Swarley" from "Barney"? It's not even a name. Who would ever be called "Swarley"? [Ted and Marshall look at Barney] Oh, please don't start calling me "Swarley." This would never happen at a bar! [Barney storms off]
Quote from Lily
[As Lily, wearing a rain coat pulled over her backpack and her head, chases Marshall's girlfriend through the rain-drenched streets of New York:]
Lily: [inner monologue] There she is. She doesn't look that great. She's not fat, but that doesn't mean anything. I know tons of skinny, ugly women. That's right, snotty girl in my yoga class, I'm talking to you. Come on, Chloe, turn around. Here we go. Turn around, Chloe. Come on, show me that hideous face. Damn it! Ooh, I know, I'll get ahead of her, then I'll cut back so I... [walks into a pipe] Aah! Oh, my God, that hurts! Turn around! Come on! Just turn around! Okay, this is ridiculous. [out loud] Hey! [inner monologue] Turn around! What's the matter with you? [out loud in gruff voice] Hey, you! Turn around! Turn around, Chloe!