Ted Quote #1
Future Ted: [v.o.] It was way back in 2005. I was twenty-seven just starting to make it as an architect and living in New York with my friend Marshall, my best friend from college. My life was good and then Uncle Marshall went and screwed the whole thing up.
[cut to:]
Marshall: Will you marry me?
Ted: Yes, perfect! And then you're engaged, you pop the champagne! You drink a toast! You have sex on the kitchen floor... Don't have sex on our kitchen floor.
Marshall: Got it. Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted.
Ted: Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lily! I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily. The night you met. Your first date... other first things.
Marshall: [laughs] yeah, sorry. We thought you were asleep.
Ted: It's physics Marshall, if the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves too.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Pilot’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Barney: I see what this is about. Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met?
[flashback:]
Barney: Ted, I'm going to teach you how to live. [off Ted's look] Barney, we met at the urinal.
Ted: Oh, right. Hi.
Barney: Lesson one, lose the goatee. It doesn't look good with your suit.
Ted: I'm not wearing a suit.
Barney: Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool. Exhibit A. Lesson three, don't even think about getting married till you're... thirty.
Quote from Barney
Lily: We're coming with you.
Ted: Barney?
Barney: Alright, but under one condition.
[cut to:]
Barney: Look at you, you beautiful bastard, you suited up! This is totally going in my blog!
Quote from Barney
Ted: Okay. Moment of truth. Wish me luck.
Barney: Ted's gonna get it on with a TV reporter. "This just in." Okay... [raises hand for a high-five]