Barney Quote #1383
Quote from Barney in A Change of Heart
[flashback to Barney and Nora at a restaurant, with Barney wearing a heart monitor:]
Nora: Um, Barney, what I'm about to say is going to sound a little weird, but I think I'm starting to like you, so I have to say it.
Barney: Well, for what it's worth, I'm not easily shocked. Unless you dump water on me, 'cause I'll just... [imitates electrical crackling] What is it?
Nora: I want to get married. I mean, not tonight, or even to you, necessarily. But that's what I want. And if that's going to scare you off, then I'd rather it scare you off now. [monitor: rhythmic beeping] I want a family, and I want to live in a little house with a garden and a tree for the kids to climb. [rapid beeping] And I want to go
to sleep every night with the same person by my side, and wake up next to him in the morning every morning [very rapid beeping] for the rest of our lives. [flatline] Just thought you should know that.
[Barney flashes back to Lily telling him not to lie to Nora]
Barney: That's exactly what I want, too.
[present: Lily slaps Barney in the face at the doctor's office]
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘A Change of Heart’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, the heart is a mysterious muscle. You never really know what's going on in there. So after Uncle Marshall lost his father, he decided to get his heart checked. And so did I. And so did Lily. And so did Robin. And then Marshall went again just to be sure. There was only one holdout.
Barney: I don't need to go to a heart doctor. I drink every day, I sleep three hours every night, and I have multiple sex partners. I'm doing everything right.
Quote from Barney
Lily: [singsong voice] Oh, Barney's got feeling for a girl.
Barney: Yeah. Penis feelings. Because she's hot. Guys, as you know, I only have one rule...
Future Ted: [v.o.] Barney said this a lot.
Barney: I only have one rule: if you're gonna get it on in a Port-O-Potty, do it early in the day.
Barney: I only have one rule: Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel. 'Cause she's got brothers.
Barney: I only have one rule: Never date a girl with a hook for a hand.
[present:]
Barney: Never go out with the same girl more than once.
Lily: Then why are you going out with Nora again?
Barney: There is an exception.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And it was always the same exception.
Barney: ...unless she's hot.
Barney: ...unless she's hot.
Barney: ...unless she's hot. Arr!
[present:]
Barney: And she is indeed hot.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Barney, come on, this is important. We need you around for a long time. Without you, we'd have to find some other sex-fueled, depraved animal to entertain us.