Barney Quote #1017
Barney: But if you insist, here's what I would say about the dishes, if I were Lily's husband.
[fantasy scene of Barney returning home to Lily:]
Lily: Barney, you're home! [kisses Barney]
[present:]
Marshall: Dude. Get to the point!
Barney: All right.
[fantasy:]
Barney: [drinks] Thanks, doll. Ah!
Lily: Sweetie, are you going to wash that?
Barney: I'm glad you bring that up. No. And here's why. [Lily sits on Barney's lap] Lily, I know you don't like a dirty sink, but does that make it my job to keep it clean? I mean, if one day I look up at the living room ceiling and think, " Hey, I'd like a replica of the Sistine Chapel up there." Would it be your job to paint it?
Lily: Well, no. Of course not.
Barney: Exactly! So, baby, by the same logic, if you don't like looking at a sink full of dishes, shouldn't it be your job to clean them?
Lily: Wow. Thanks for explaining that. I get so confused.
Barney: That's because you're a woman. [both laugh]
Lily: I don't even know why we're laughing!
Barney: Of course you don't.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Bagpipes’ Quotes
Quote from Marshall
Barney: Hey, tiger. How you holding up? Do you need a hug? You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
Ted: Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
Marshall: What? Why? Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
Barney: I'll tell you what the big deal is. You know how I was always the best at being single?
Ted: No.
Barney: Well, now I am the best at relationships. Even better than you and Lily.
Marshall: Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.
Quote from Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] In the fall of 2009, a new couple had just moved in upstairs.We had not met but you could hear all the time. They were always... Well, kids, let's just say they were always "playing the bagpipes."
Robin: Okay, this is ridiculous. I can't believe those two are still bagpiping.
Ted: I know. It's been six hours. Must be that Tantric bagpiping that Sting is into.
Robin: She keeps yelling out for him to play the bagpipes harder, but it sounds like he's bagpiping her pretty hard. There's a glass of water in my bedroom that's vibrating like Jurassic Park.
Ted: You have neighbors! Shut the bagpipes up!
Quote from Barney
Barney: Oh, you fight. See, Robin and I never fight.
Ted: Of course you do.
Barney: No. And here's the secret. Every time it looks like we're about to get into a fight...
[flashback to Robin and Barney in his apartment as he eats breakfast:]
Robin: Um, why is there a bag of panties labeled "April 2008" in your closet?
[Barney puts his newspaper down, stands up and walks out of his apartment; present:]
Ted: So any time you think you might have a fight, you just get up and leave?
Barney: 100% effective. Can't fight if you're not there. That's what Gandhi taught us.
Ted: Boy, that's not true.