Barney Quote #548
Barney: Rhonda.
Rhonda: I saw your friend Ted at the gym. After he puked and cleared the line at the smoothie bar, he said you were kinda having a tough time.
Barney: Did you change your mind about having love, making sex, penis vagina? What is the matter with me?
Rhonda: Oh, honey...
Barney: I just, I don't get it. You slept with so many guys. You slept with my brother. We are practically the same person. Was I really so bad?
Rhonda: Nobody's good the first time.
Barney: But I was. At least I thought I was.
Rhonda: Oh, Barney, you know what? Sex isn't everything. When is the last time you had a conversation with a woman with no intention of scoring with her?
Barney: I sat next to former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright at a benefit once. I certainly didn't intend to hit that.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Yips’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
[cut Barney and Ted at the gym:]
Barney: There goes one of my investments now. Cheryl, hard work's paying off. Keep up the good work.
Ted: So your investments... are women?
Barney: Women who, how shall I put this delicately? They fat. So, I come here, give them lots of attention now. Then when they get hot, who's the first guy they run to? The one who invested in them when they weren't.
Ted: Wow, I can't decide if I'm thoroughly disgusted or really, really impressed.
Barney: Of course, not all investments pay dividends. See the girl over there at the vending machine, Tonya. She is one Kit Kat away from junk bond status.
Becky: Hey, Barney.
Barney: Becky, elliptical machine's really working for you. Nice stuff. [to Ted] That one's going to reward shareholders soon. I foresee aggressive growth in my future. What up?
Quote from Barney
[flashback to 23-year-old Barney talking to his brother James, who is wearing a beer helmet and a football shirt:]
Barney: Of course. The Man Maker. And it'll be easier too, 'cause she knows me so well.
[later, Barney goes to Rhonda's house:]
Rhonda: Hi, Barry.
Barney: Barney. Hi, Ms. French. I know we haven't seen each other for a while, but if there was any chance...
[later, in Rhonda's bedroom:]
Rhonda: Oh, boy. You just rocked my world. That was the best sex I ever had.
[present:]
Barney: That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani clad and fully awesome.
Quote from Barney
Ted: I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. I woke up all greasy and sweaty. My sheets looked like what they wrap deli sandwiches in. Maybe I should join a gym. Do you go to a gym?
Barney: Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness, but I don't work out there.
Ted: What do you do?
Barney: I invest.