Lily Quote #123
Quote from Lily in Aldrin Justice
Mr. Druthers: Now, as most of you know, my Pete Rose, Pete Rose, Pete Rose baseball has been stolen. Well, I just found this note. "DearMmr. Druthers, I, your baseball, am leaving. Maybe, if you start being nice, I'll come back. If not, other things in your office may follow my lead. In fact, I overheard your iPod talking, and he may shuffle off at any minute." Normally, I would scream at everyone until my voice goes, but maybe that's the wrong reaction here.
Lily: Interesting.
Mr. Druthers: Instead, I'm giving my baseball until the end of the day to decide he's homesick, or, tomorrow morning, I'll begin firing three people an hour. And, if the thief doesn't believe me, well, then you are gambling more than Pete Rose, major league baseball's all-time hit leader, a man whose absence from the hall of fame is a travesty to the entire sports world, ever "allegedly" did!
Lily: Wow. Looks like bye-bye, iPod.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Aldrin Justice’ Quotes
Quote from Lily
Ted: Hey. Um, Lily, question for you. Why did I find Mr. Druthers' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer?
Lily: That's easy. I took it.
Ted: Why?
Lily: It's simple.
[flashback:]
Mr. Druthers: I can't believe there's no horseradish for the roast beef. I guess you were sick the day they taught that at sandwich university
[another flashback:]
Mr. Druthers: [on the phone] Mother, no one from the nursing home is stealing from you. I didn't get you a birthday present.
[another flashback:]
Mr. Druthers: [knocks the ice cream out of a kid's hand] What? You gonna cry? Huh? Little crybaby's going to cry? Hey, everybody, look! The little crybaby's gonna cry! I lost my ice cream!
[back:]
Lily: Okay, I may have exaggerated that last one, but the point is, he was mean. And that's why I took away his ball.
Ted: What does his ball have to do with anything?
Lily: Druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. When I was teaching kindergarten, whenever a kid was mean, I would take away one of his toys. The kid would be upset at first, but then he'd learn to stop being mean.
Quote from Barney
Marshall: That's Professor Lewis's office there.
Barney: Okay, let's take a look. Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. A prime specimen. See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. Start with the hair. The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles as a form of camouflage. The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar until he's already being dragged, helpless, back to her lair. Now, the blouse. The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. If you're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce. See the claws? Long and sharp, to ward off rival females... Or open alimony checks. Yeah, this one's a beaut. Okay, let the hunt begin.
Quote from Barney
Marshall: Yeah, well, it was supposed to be, but my professor's like the toughest grader I've ever seen. She had like a bad divorce this summer and now she's taking it out on us. To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid.
Barney: Really? Laid, you say?
Marshall: You wouldn't be into her. She's, like, in her late 40s.
Barney: She hot?
Marshall: Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah.
Barney: And she's looking for some action. Sounds to me like she could be a cougar.
Robin: A what?
Barney: A cougar. An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single and on the prowl for a younger man.
Ted: What's a woman in her 60s or 70s? A turtle?