Ted: Why would I want to tire them out?
[present:]
Barney: That's your excuse to unleash pretext for physical contact number one.
[fantasy:]
Rachel: You give the most amazing foot massage.
Ted: It's 'cause I used to practice all the time on my grandmother.
Ted: Why in God's name would I say that?
[present:]
Barney: It's endearing, you're a caregiver. Never take family values out of the equation.