Tim Quote #2740

Quote from Tim in Thanksgiving

Al: Great to have you on the show, Mr. Dangerfield.
Rodney Dangerfield: A pleasure to be here. Okay, what are we working on today, boys?
Tim: Well, we're gonna refinish this frame for a husky picture Al's got. Now, speaking of husky, I understand you were kind of a husky kid. How husky were you?
Rodney Dangerfield: I'm not here to do jokes. I'm here to help Al with a project.
Tim: Speaking of projects, I hear that you were pretty poor and lived in the projects. How poor were you?
Rodney Dangerfield: None of your business. Hey, what kind of wood are we using in this frame?
Al: Well, we'll be using distressed maple.
Tim: Wait a minute. Speaking of distressed, I understand your wife is kind of annoying. How annoying is she, Rodney?
Rodney Dangerfield: Not as annoying as you. How do you work with this guy, huh?
Al: It's tough. I gotta tell ya, I don't get any respect.
Rodney Dangerfield: You're talking to the original. 'Cause I don't get no respect at all. And I got no sex life. My wife cut me down to once a month. Though I'm lucky. Two guys I know she cut out completely.


 ‘Thanksgiving’ Quotes

Quote from Tim

Ted: These are the transformers and all the breakers. I love spending time down here.
Tim: Who wouldn't? The place is so homey.
Ted: If you like this, wait till you see our control room. That's where we operate all of the Silverdome's lights and our 2,000 toilets.
Tim: Wait a minute. Two thousand toilets? Is there a button you can press to flush them all at once?
Ted: No, but I'll bring it up at the next board meeting. You're a thinker. I like that.

Quote from Tim

Ted: Hello, Taylor family. Welcome to box 12. I'm Ted, your personal Silverdome liaison and I've got hats.
Jill: Oh, thank you. I'm Jill Taylor. And that's Randy, Mark and Brad and my husband, Tim Taylor.
Ted: Hey, it's "The Tool Man." [imitating Tim] "Oh! Oh!"
Tim: Good to meet you, Ted. Um, you look awful familiar. Have we met before?
Ted: No. Perhaps you've met one of my brothers. Ned or Fred?
Tim: Wait a minute. One brother works at the airport in Alpena. And the other brother at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, I've met them.
Ted: Yes. I hope they didn't give you any trouble. They've always been pretty ornery. One time they held me down and packed my nose with candy corn.
Jill: Kids can be so cruel.
Ted: This was last Christmas. By the way, Tim, I've been authorized to give you a tour of the Silverdome's nerve center. Home of our state-of-the-art electrical and plumbing system.
Tim: Somebody pinch me!

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.