Al Quote #208
Quote from Al in Talk to Me
Tim: Makes my point. Women, or guys playing women, tend to confuse us.
Jim: Tim, what about when Lorraine starts talking to me about commitment? I love her, but I don't know about marriage. I'm not ready.
Al: Well, excuse me, Jim, I'm sure that Lorraine would understand if you explained that marriage is the first step of a sacred journey, and something that important cannot be put on the fast track.
Tim: Well, let's put that to a vote. How many think Al gave Jim good advice or put Jim on the fast track to a quick head injury?
Audience: Head injury.
Al: Oh, come on. Not all women are trying to trap men.
Tim: [scoffs] Trap, snare, snag. A woman has to be married, otherwise she'd be home nagging herself.
Al: If you ladies would like to contact Tim directly, that's 555-TOOL. Operators are standing by.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Talk to Me’ Quotes
Quote from Al
Tim: Make sure the joint on your door is secure.
Al: And for that, we're using a biscuit joiner to cut the slots in our wood for the biscuits.
Tim: Biscuits? Do you think they...
Al: No. They're not buttermilk biscuits. They're not sourdough biscuits. They're not dog biscuits.
Tim: I was just trying to make...
Al: They're not biscuits with honey, they're not biscuits with gravy, they're not biscuits in a box, or biscuits in a basket.
Tim: You're a biscuit case, Al.
Quote from Jill
Jill: I cannot believe that you have the gall to say that I am taking you for granted.
Tim: Here it goes.
Jill: For the last 15 years I've been doing all the thankless jobs around here - the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and in my spare time I've managed to have three children. You never once thanked me. And the one time that I come to you asking you to carry your weight around here, all I get from you is resentment. The truth is you were happier when I just was stuck here in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant. I should just squat down here right now and shoot out another kid.
Tim: Just don't do it near the furnace vent.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Hi-ho, neighbor. You know, Tim, I woke up this morning and the blues were all around my bed.
Tim: Maybe you should have tried vacuuming. Well, I got hit with a croquet ball. I got the black-and-blues.
Wilson: [plays harmonica and sings] Got out of my bed Got hit in the head Knocked out of my shoes I got those lowdown croquet-ball blues
Tim: When did you learn to play the harmonica?
Wilson: This morning.