Tim Quote #629
Quote from Tim in Love is a Many Splintered Thing
Tim: All right. "Does your wife nag you more or less than six times during a football game?" More.
Jill: I never nag you during football games.
Tim: Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm taking this for you. OK? "How many times has your wife nagged you during this quiz?"
Jill: Oh, this is so stupid.
Tim: That would be two times right there.
Jill: Now, the scientific part. "If your wife were a piece of hockey equipment, what would she be?"
Tim: Let me see that!
Jill: "If your wife were a piece of hockey equipment, would she be...?" "A. a goalie mask - wiry and closed off." "Br. a stick - long, rigid and likes to hit things." "C. elbow pads - soft, flexible and a good housekeeper"? What does housekeeping have to do with elbow pads?
Tim: Takes care of the joint. This is great.
Jill: You're so pathetic.
Tim: Read the next one.
Jill: "D. a jockstrap - gets in the way a lot, but basically supportive."
Tim: And you fell right in between elbow pads and a jockstrap.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Love is a Many Splintered Thing’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Tim: Jill's taken this stupid test. It says we're not compatible. I know we love each other. I just wonder how we stay together if we're so different.
Wilson: Well, Tim, much of it has to do with the unity of opposites. The yin and the yang.
Tim: Those two pandas at the Washington Zoo?
Wilson: Oh, no, Tim. That would be Ling Ling and Hsing Hsing.
Tim: Oh, Hsing Hsing...
Wilson: Yes. What I'm talking about is the paradox of a relationship. And a paradox is not necessarily a bad thing.
Tim: A paradox is not necessarily a bad thing.
Wilson: There you go, neighbor. A paradox creates tension, and tension is energy, and energy is a force and we all live in this force, and that's the excitement of life and love. Are you with me, Tim?
Tim: You're saying a paradox is not necessarily a bad thing.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Tim, I believe it was André Maurois who said that a successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.
Tim: And I like rebuilding, boy. Hammer, hammer, yeah, saw, hammer.
Wilson: That's because you have an edifice complex. [laughs] Oh, my gosh, I do crack myself up sometimes. But I think what Maurois was trying to say is that there is a deep chasm between man and woman, and every day we must build a bridge and cross over to the other side.
Tim: Wouldn't that put Jill on my side and me on her side?
Wilson: No, no, no, Tim. In a successful marriage, man and woman will meet in the middle.
Quote from Jill
Tim: "If your husband was something you'd find in the kitchen, what would he be?" Oh, that's deep. Oh, yeah, that's deep.
Jill: I think you'll find this very insightful, Tim.
Tim: "A. An oven. Warm and self-cleaning." Not me. "B. Garbage disposal. Grating and eats anything." "C. A refrigerator. Very cold and the light's never on." These are stupid.
Jill: Well, come on. You haven't read the one that I picked for you. Read D.
Tim: "D. A teakettle. Hot and steamy, done in two minutes." Like I'm a teakettle.
Jill: Well, honey, you do whistle when you're done.