Randy Quote #6
Brad: Do we get to stick swords in the box?
Larry Houdini: Sword in the box, fantastic illusion. Sets the mind reeling and the pulse racing. I don't do it.
Mark: Why not?
Larry Houdini: Too easy. Now then, my lad. Will you kindly assist me into the trunk? Thank you. Now, you will close the trunk and lock it. When I give the command, you will set the timer at ten seconds. And when the timer goes off... I shall appear at the front door.
Randy: I don't know. Ten seconds isn't very long.
Larry Houdini: To you. But to Sir Larry, ten seconds is an eternity. Now, boys, prepare to be astonished. Close the lid! [o.s.] Is the top securely locked?
Brad: Yes, it is.
Larry Houdini: [o.s.] Then set the timer and stand back. [struggles and grunts]
[A puff of smoke emanates from the trunk as the timer rings. The boys rush to open the front door.]
Randy: Sir Larry?
Larry Houdini: [o.s.] Boys! Reset the timer.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Off Sides’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: The point is, you and Jill don't have to understand each other completely. What is important is to share and enjoy the things you both do understand.
Tim: That's exactly what she was talking about, too. Sharing. She wanted to share. But ballroom dancing?
Wilson: Well, why don't you give it a try, Tim? [Tim grumbles] As the ancient Celtic saying goes: never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Honey, would you like to go and watch the game?
Tim: No. No. We were talking about... Uh... [long silence]
Jill: Ballroom dancing.
Tim: Ballroom dancing. That's what it is. [shouting from kitchen]
Jill: So anyway. The lessons are on Tuesday nights. And, uh, it doesn't really cost very much. [shouting from kitchen] And... I've been having an affair with a space alien.
Tim: Uh-huh.
Jill: Yep. I'm... I'm having his baby.
Tim: Uh-huh.
Rick: Touchdown!
Quote from Tim
Tim: Welcome to the Taylor home. We're about ready to start that second half of this fantastic game. Green Bay Packers. Minnesota Vikings. [grunts] Before we go down to the field. Let's check out that snack situation. Mark, take it away.
Mark: Pretzels, liquorice, pork rinds.
Tim: Yeah. That's three major food groups right there: salt, sugar, lard. Um, all right. Today, I got cold brewskis for me. Ice-cold root brewskis for my boys...
Brad: Dad? Here are the chips.
Tim: You got it, buddy.
Brad: Go long.
Tim: Nice pass, kid. All right. [Tim struggles to open the bag of chips]
Randy: Dad?
Tim: What?
Randy: You're turning all red.
Tim: [bag splits open] [laughs] There's a warning label right there. You shouldn't open these in broad daylight in Detroit. Could cause an explosion. [chuckles]
Jill: Wow. Look at this warning label. Socks may strike husband unexpectedly.
Tim: You could put an eye out like that.