Tim Quote #3092
Jill: Tim, I am worried about him going, but I told you I wasn't gonna stop him!
Tim: That's why I stopped him for you. Look, it doesn't matter who stopped him. The point is he's not going.
Jill: So he's gonna miss this incredible adventure and spend the rest of his life blaming me.
Tim: You know, I thought you'd be happy that I fixed things.
Jill: Tim, this isn't a leaky faucet or a broken carburetor. This is my relationship with my son! I did not ask you to fix it!
Tim: Not literally. But you were sending some very strong subliminal messages.
Jill: Really? Well...
Tim: Yes! Yes!
Jill: Okay, so can you pick up on this message that I'm sending you right now?
Tim: That is not physically possible.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Adios’ Quotes
Quote from Randy
Tim: We never talked about girls.
Randy: Well, I'm not leaving until Saturday. What do you want to know?
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Tim, have you ever heard of a play...
Tim: No, no, no. No plays, no ballets, no chamber music. None of that. Just give it to me straight.
Wilson: [chuckles] I'm talking about the Shakespearean comedy As You Like It. Now in this play, the young Rosalind is uncomfortable expressing her feelings for the nobleman Orlando. The only way she can speak her mind is by dressing up as a man, the shepherd Ganymede.
Tim: Okay. What does a cross-dressing sheep lover have to do with me?
Wilson: Well, I suspect, just as Rosalind masqueraded as Ganymede, perhaps you were masquerading as Jill.
Tim: [looks around] Once I tried on a pump. It was Halloween, for God's sake!
Wilson: No, I'm talking about masquerading your feelings. I mean, is Jill really the one who will miss sharing the hot rod with Randy?
Tim: Of course. She's the one... Are you suggesting I stopped him from going because of my feelings?
Wilson: Well, that answer can only come from the masquerader.
Tim: All right, all right. I tried on the pantyhose, too.
Quote from Tim
Tim: But you're gonna be just fine. You're gonna do well.
Randy: You think so?
Tim: Yeah. You've survived every natural disaster known to man... right here in this house.