Tim: Is, um, fitness a big deal at K&B Construction?
Rock: Ah, it's job one, Timmy. According to researchers at K&B R&D, being in shape can help prevent injuries at the workplace.
Al: Well, the only way I can prevent injuries in our workplace is if Tim calls in sick.
Dwayne: That's a good one, Al!

Tim: What is with him? Where did he get the idea I'd approve of him disobeying coach?
Jill: I don't know. Maybe it had something to do with "Brad, you're awesome." "Brad, you're the bomb." "I can't hear you!"
Tim: Oh! You're blaming this on me?
Jill: No, I'm not just blaming you. I'm blaming every man who thinks sports are the only thing that matters in the whole world. I blame the press for writing about winners. I blame the networks for making every game seem like life and death. I blame the advertisers who only care about selling beer and $200 sneakers.
Tim: You're a rather angry woman, aren't you?

Jill: Randy, it's not really nice to duck people.
Randy: Oh, well, you would know, being one of the all-time great couple-duckers.
Jill: Me? I am not a couple-ducker.
Randy: Oh, come on, Mom! Remember the Goodmans? I mean, for a month we couldn't turn on our lights so they wouldn't know we were back from vacation.
Lauren: We don't know what to do, Mrs. Taylor. We're desperate.
Jill: Now, I don't really condone this. But if you have to avoid somebody, here's what you do. Whenever they want to get together, be agreeable but vague. Use phrases like, uh, "after the holidays" or "when things settle down." Oh, and if you ever run into them unexpectedly, be sure that you always have some emergency you have to deal with.
Randy: With this family, you don't even have to make that up.