Al Quote #334
Al Unser Sr.: I'm Al, Senior. This is Al, Junior. And this is just Al.
Al: Well, you're never "just an Al." It's great to have you on the show.
Al Richard Unser: Nice to meet you, Mr. Borland.
Al: Oh, please! Let's not be so "form-Al." You see, around Tool Time we're pretty "casu-Al."
Tim: [chuckles] Keep that up and "A'll" be ripping up your contract.
Quote from Tim
Jill: All right. Obey all traffic laws, especially no speeding. Keep that seat belt fastened. No kids drinking, smoking. No sex, no drugs.
Jill: Or anything else.
Brad: What else is there?
Tim: Plenty. All right... No oval shots in parking lots or doing doughnuts in people's lawns. And absolutely, absolutely... no mooning while the car's in gear.
Jill: What about when it's not?
Tim: Use your best judgment.
Quote from Wilson
Brad: I'm gonna need a pretty big tow truck to pull me out of this mess.
Wilson: So, you're saying that if your father found out you hit another car, he would view that as an unforgivable offense?
Wilson: Well, Brad, it seems to me he might consider lying a far worse offense.
Brad: So either way, I'm in deep yak butter.
Wilson: [sighs] You know, Brad, the novelist Han Suyin had some very choice words for situations like this. "Truth, like surgery, might hurt. But it cures."
Brad: Yeah. My mom and dad also have a few choice words for situations like this. But, I'm not allowed to say 'em.
Quote from Dead Weight
Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.
Quote from This Joke's for You
Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.