Tim Quote #1930
Quote from Tim in Tanks for the Memories
Tim: Today we're talking about tools the military uses. OK? I needed a little help on today's show. An old high-school buddy of mine, Billy McDougal, will be here. We used to call him "Moon Pie Face." But no longer. Now it's Lieutenant Colonel William McDougal of the United States Marine Corps. Let's bring him out with a round of applause. Come on out here, Billy. Moon Pie, Moon Pie, Moon Pie. It's amazing, you know? I guess they wanted a few good men and one big wuss.
Lt. Col. McDougal: Tim, if I remember correctly, you were such a wimp, even the Cub Scouts wouldn't take you.
Tim: Yeah. But the Girl Scouts loved me. [laughs]
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Tanks for the Memories’ Quotes
Quote from Al
Al: Now, the object of the game is to finish your project without having to call an ambulance. You can learn as you go along. Mark, why don't you start us off?
Mark: OK. Start. Two. "Tim makes bad joke about Al's mom. Audience boos. Lose a turn."
Al: Mother loves that card.
Brad: All right, it's my turn.
Al: That's right.
Brad: Ooh, four. "Al's away at National Bingo Finals. Tim hosts show alone and ratings drop."
Randy: All right. My turn. All right, here we go. Six, OK... five, six. All All right. Pick up a card. "Tim installs faulty wiring. You're accidentally electrocuted."
[Sparks fly on the game as Randy's figure is knocked down. The lights flash and sirens wail on the ambulance and emergency room]
Al: You lose.
Quote from Al
Al: Well, that was a pretty quick game of Scrabble. Now we're ready for Chinese Checkers.
Brad: Oh, sorry, Al. Mom says we're not allowed to be playing "Chinese Checkers" before bed. Makes us too hyper.
Al: All right. Well, if conventional games don't tickle your fancy, I have a board game that you have never seen.
I invented this myself. It is the prototype for what could become a national craze.
Mark: "The Tool Time Game"? Awesome! How do you play?
Al: Well, you have your choice of figures. You can be Heidi. You can be Al. And you can be Tim in a body cast.
Brad: All right, I got Heidi.
Randy: Al.
Mark: Aw, man!
Quote from Al
Tim: Well, let's cut to the chase. Is there any way you could swing it so that I could drive a tank?
Lt. Col. McDougal: Well, Tim, if you ever came to California, where I'm stationed, I'm sure we could arrange it.
Tim: All right!
Al: Excuse me, Colonel, but letting Tim drive a tank, well... that's jeopardizing national security.
Tim: Let it go, Al, please?
Lt. Col. McDougal: Al, you got nothing to worry about. We've got 10,000 Marines on the base to keep their eyes on Tim.
Tim: Right!
Al: It's not enough.