Tim Quote #1619
Tim: But I got a method that'll outshine your wire brushes, your flosses, your ointments, your salves. Put them all to shame. Heidi, my hot-air gun, please.
Heidi: Here you go, Tim.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi.
Heidi: You're welcome.
Al: A hot-air gun does not remove rust, it removes paint.
Tim: Well, this one does both. I made a few adjustments here. This'll take the paint off a battleship.
Al: Something a lot of our viewers have on their patio.
Tim: Just back off. [turns on the hot-air gun] Maybe they use battleships, Al.
Al: I know.
Tim: Huh? No rust. No paint.
Al: No chair.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Just great. Look at the time, huh? Now it's off to work I go without my "hi-de-ho."
Quote from Al
Tim: All right. Let's give a big, warm Tool Time welcome for Cal "He's gotta be better-looking than Al" Borland. I don't see any family resemblance, do you?
Al: Well, actually, I take after Father and Cal looks like Mother.
Tim: And a fine-looking woman she is. Come on, Cal. You wanna tell us about growing up with Al?
Cal: I don't think so, Tim. [Al and Cal snort]
Al: [laughs] He's got that Borland humor.
Tim: Yeah, the kind that isn't funny.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.