Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.

Tim: Why don't you go to a trade school?
Jill: Trade school?
Tim: Six months, you can be a turret lathe operator.
Jill: I don't want to be a turret lathe operator. I don't even know what that is.
Tim: That's why you go to the school. How about a certified arc welder?
Jill: Are you insane?
Tim: Diesel bus repair.
Jill: Tim, I was really excited about this idea. I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you about it, and all you can do is throw out idiotic suggestions. Why don't you just tell me to go to clown college?
Tim: They'd never take you. You're not funny enough and your feet are too small.

Jill: Tim, I was talking to you.
Tim: Hold on a second. Maybe one of the kids got in an accident.
Jill: I thought that they were all home.
Tim: Hold on a minute. Well, most of the accidents take place in the home. [on the phone] Hey. Hey, Deke? What are you doing? Ah. Hold on a second. [to Jill] Thank God the kids are OK.