Tim Quote #1212
Quote from Tim in What You See is What You Get
Tim: Jill, you gotta see this. Now I know why they call it "the boob tube." Look at this.
Jill: Tim, what are you doing?
Tim: I'm just playing around with the thing.
Jill: They look like hot-air balloons. You could travel around the world with those.
Tim: Look out, honey, they're gonna blow!
Jill: Could you be any more obnoxious?
Tim: Is that a request? I'm just playing with the thing.
Jill: Tim, there are women whose self-esteem is so low, they're actually doing this to their bodies.
Tim: That is horrible. Sorry. Now, how would I make your butt a little smaller? [off Jill's look] Maybe I'll just sleep down here tonight.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘What You See is What You Get’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Tim: She had this computer simulation that showed some cosmetic surgeon's alterations to her body. It reminded me of when she was young, when I first met her. I kinda liked it. Then, like a bonehead, I asked what it would cost to overhaul her whole body.
Wilson: Whoa, major faux pas.
Tim: Major Faux Pas... Was he in the same campaign as General Wow?
Wilson: Tim, I'm not familiar with General Wow, but your situation reminds me of The Naked Ape. [Tim grunts] That is the one exactly, Tim. You see, The Naked Ape is a book which theorizes that men, like apes, are instinctively drawn to younger, more fertile women in order to propagate the species.
Tim: What's Mrs. Naked Ape attracted to?
Wilson: Well, unlike the male of the species, she instinct is be attracted to someone older and more experienced. Someone with more wisdom, sensitivity.
Tim: Wait a minute. What you're saying is if I explain to Jill it was just my instincts talking, I'd be off the hook.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, Tim. What I'm trying to say is you have to learn to understand your instincts, and then you won't be on the hook in the first place.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah, sure.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Wow!
Jill: What?
Tim: Wow!
Jill: Are you saying you think I'd look good like that?
Tim: No. It was a general wow.
Jill: General wow?
Tim: The famous Chinese military guy, General Wow...
Quote from Jill
Tim: Fuses in, wired up. I'm gonna try the horn. Cover your ears, Mark. [lights go on]
Mark: Aah! Dad, the horn is blinding me!
Tim: Just a crossed wire, son.
Jill: That's what it's gonna say on your tombstone - "It was just a crossed wire."