Tim Quote #1020
Quote from Tim in Slip Sleddin' Away
Tim: Today on Tool Time, we're gonna talk about a real American hero - the supersize sausage... submarine, also known as the SS Cholesterol.
Al: I thought we were talking about squeaky floors.
Tim: We are, we are.
Al: And the obvious connection would be?
Tim: Stick with me. Let's say your wife has you on one of those low-cal mulch and grass diets, but you got one of these bad boys hidden out in that camp cooler in the garage. So you wait till she drifts off to sleep, snoring like a band saw. You creep out to the garage to get it, but as soon as your feet hit the floor, what happens? [wood creaks] She wakes up. "Hey, leave that submarine sandwich alone, you big tub of lard! Get back into bed! You're gonna be eating nothing but fiber for three months!" And you doubted the connection.
Al: I'm hating myself now.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Slip Sleddin' Away’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: I'm gonna run you down to the emergency room, get an x-ray for you, write a note to Mom.
Randy: Dad, I don't need to go to the emergency room.
Tim: [chuckles] That's what I usually tell Al.
Randy: Well, how does he get you to go?
Tim: I don't know. I'm usually passed out by then.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Don't worry. They'll take real good care of you here.
Randy: Is this the emergency room you come to all the time?
Tim: I don't come here all the time.
Delivery Guy: Hey, Tool Man.
Tim: Hey, buddy.
Marge: Hi, Mr. Taylor.
Buzz: Hey, Tim.
Tim: Hey, Buzz. How are those little girls...? Chanel and Cher, right?
Buzz: Good. Real good.
Tim: Hey, Laurie.
Randy: You're better known here than you are at Sears.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Brad, where's your saxophone? You have a lesson in 20 minutes.
Brad: Mom, why do I have to keep taking these stupid lessons?
Jill: Brad, sit down.
Brad: Is this gonna be another one of those "When I was a little girl" stories?
Jill: No. Will you just listen? [long pause] When I was a little person about your age... I had to take flute lessons for five years, and it wasn't always fun, but I was really glad that I stuck to it.
Brad: Why? It's not like you ever play the flute now.
Jill: Well, that's true, but I take great joy in knowing that I could if I wanted to. Besides, if you get really good at it, we could have mother/son jam sessions.
Brad: There's a dream come true.