Tim Quote #747
Quote from Tim in Ex Marks the Spot
Al: Welcome back to Tool Time.
Tim: Oh, spring is in the air, isn't it? Birds are chirpin'. Flowers are growin'. Bees are buzzin'. And your wife is whispering something soft in your ear, like: "Hey, you big ape. Get up off that couch and paint the house!" I'm not shutting any game off until I can paint the house a man's way. That'd be using a compressor. Oh, yeah.
Al: That's right, but before you spray, you want to prepare your surface.
Tim: That's right, Al. And that's why today, Al and I will be doing our Tool Time salute... to stripping.
[The audience whoops as Tim pulls down a shutter featuring a picture of a scantily-clad woman with Al's face]
Tim: Excuse me, Al.
[When Al closes the shutter, Tim is holding up another picture of Al's face on a scantily-clad woman]
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Ex Marks the Spot’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Tim: When I broke up with this girl, I never called to tell her.
Wilson: So, you lied to her?
Tim: No.
Wilson: Well, according to Robert Louis Stevenson, you did. He said, "The cruelest lies are often told in silence."
Tim: Hm. But didn't Calvin Coolidge say,"Nothing he never said ever did him any harm"?
Wilson: Very good. Thomas Mann once said, "A harmful truth is better than a useful lie."
Tim: Not bad. Wait, wait, wait! Turkish proverbs was, "He who tells the truth will be chased out of nine villages."
Wilson: Excellent. But I believe the final word would be Heywood Broun. "For truth there is no deadline."
Tim: Oh! That's three to two. You beat me, Wilson.
Quote from Tim
Jill: I should have known that you would never call her. What is it with you men? You can't make a simple phone call to end a relationship.
Tim: Well, if it had been a simple phone call, I probably would have made it. "Hey, Stacey. Yeah, it's Tim. It's over. Bye-bye."
Jill: You just don't understand. You cannot leave women dangling. We need closure.
Tim: No, you want to beat it to death is what you want to do. "Yeah, mm-hm, OK, Tim. OK, it's over, I accept that. Yeah. But I think we should get together and talk about it. Uh-huh. Minute by minute. Detail by detail. Broken promise by broken promise! Maybe I'll bring my lawyer, my accountant, my father, the minister. And maybe the check-taker. I hate you!"
Quote from Al
Stacey: So, Tim, gosh, what have you been up to?
Tim: Uh, I've a tool show on cable, Tool Time.
Stacey: Timmy Taylor has a tool show. [laughs] But you were the guy who blew out all the windows in shop.
Al: He does that for a living now. [laughs]