Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. This is Al over here.
Hick: Oh, we know Al.
Eddie: Oh, we love Al.
Tim: Oh, we all love Al.
Eddie: Hey, Al, come on, give us one of them big salutes. [Al salutes]
Audience: [chants] Al, Al, Al, Al, Al...
Tim: Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I don't want to disturb this love fest you have going here, but let me remind you of something: Al is my assistant. He assists me.

Jill: Well, I don't think he listens to me at all. I told him about this event that we're going to three times, and he acts like I never said anything.
Wilson: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Jill: I don't know how I could have been clearer. I told him I was getting his tux cleaned. I told him about the hors d'oeuvres we were having Saturday night. I even circled it on the calendar. I did everything except sit him down and say, "Tim, we are going to a fundraiser Saturday night." Oh God, I never did that. Oh, man! I can't believe it. All of this arguing, and he was right. Oh, no. I feel terrible. This is all my fault. Well, I should apologize to him. Thank you, Wilson. You've really been a big help. [goes back inside]
Wilson: Hmm. Somehow it's always easier with Jill.

Tim: The first thing you wanna do is degrease this bad boy using Binford's new Engine Clean. It's perfect for home, auto and airplane. All you gotta do is spray it on a hot engine, rinse it off with ordinary tap water. At this point your wife may look at you going, [shrill voice] "What are you doing, cleaning that dirty old engine, you dumb ox? The floor needs cleaning." At this point, usually I take the hood and go: dink.
Al: That's Tim Taylor, care of Tool Time, P.O. Box 32733...
Tim: Al, Al, Al. I think the women know that I'm just joshing. And besides, why would a woman look under the hood of a car? We don't look under the washing machine, do we?
Al: That's P.O. Box 32733, Detroit... MI.