Tim Quote #213
Tim: Oh, honey, you should've been there with us. It was the winter warehouse sale. Everything was half off.
Jill: Yeah, and I suppose you only got the essentials.
Tim: You bet. Butterfly hinges, casing knife, point driver...
Jill: Well, every house needs a point driver. What is this essential thing?
Tim: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho. This is the ultimate power tool. Binford's best 4000 series... reciprocating saw. Three-quarter-horse motor. No tool arsenal is complete without this thing. Pure power. You could saw through the refrigerator with this thing.
Jill: Wouldn't it be easier to open the door?
Quote from Jill
Jill: What is this thing on your head?
Tim: It's a little piece of table.
Randy: What happened?
Tim: Old Mr. Negativity, Al, distracted me and I got my head cemented to this table. He had to take a sabre saw to get me off of that table.
Jill: Don't you think you should go to the emergency room?
Tim: I was just there. They said I wasn't a priority.
Jill: Why? Was there a guy with a whole table stuck to his head?
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.