Tim Quote #2355
Quote from Tim in No Place Like Home
Lucille: Do you remember the Christmas after Marty was born?
Tim: Do l? We're upstairs babysitting, his belly button falls off. Scared the hell out of all of us. "Mom, you had better get up here. I think this kid's falling apart." That was the... that was the Christmas I helped Dad finish the staircase.
[flashback:]
Michael Taylor: Hey, Tim. Tim.
Young Tim: [o.s.] Yeah, Dad?
Michael Taylor: I want to check your measurements for the carpeting for the stairs.
Young Tim: You don't have to. I already cut it.
Michael Taylor: [grunts] Oh, no.
Young Tim: Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. [unrolls carpet] [grunts] Oh, no.
Michael Taylor: Tim, what did I tell you? You gotta measure twice and cut once. Plus, I didn't ask you to cut it, son.
Young Tim: Sorry. I guess I messed up again.
Michael Taylor: Ah, it's all right. Working with tools, it's not for everybody and, well, when you grow up you'll find something that's more suitable for you.
Lucille: [o.s.] Michael, Tim, time to get ready for dinner.
Young Tim: I can smell the turkey burning.
Michael Taylor: Son, there is nothing like your mother's turkey. All dark meat.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘No Place Like Home’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: You know, closing up the old childhood home can be a traumatic thing. I know it was for me.
Tim: A lot of memories?
Wilson: Yeah, they're still vivid. Waking up to the sound of a hyena laughing. The sweet smell of hay as the zebra grazed. The sight of a mother rhinoceros feeding her calf.
Tim: Uh, you... you were raised in Africa?
Wilson: Chicago. In an apartment overlooking the zoo.
Quote from Tim
Jill: How are you, honey?
Tim: I'm good. I was just thinking how much I'm like this house.
Marty: You mean you both have old, leaky pipes?
Tim: I'm speaking metaphorically.
Jeff: Metaphorically? You actually know what that means?
Tim: I have a neighbor who explains stuff like this to me.
Quote from Wilson
Tim: So, Wilson, what are you doing?
Wilson: Well, Tim, I'm carving a nativity scene out of giant radishes. What do you think of my Three Wise Men?
Tim: I think they should come bearing onion dip.
Wilson: [chuckles] See, this is part of the Mexican custom of Noche de Rabanos.
Tim: Um... Night of the Bathroom?
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no, Tim. Night of the Radishes. You see, every Christmas, farming families would head into town and display their tuberous creations.