Wilson Quote #296

Quote from Wilson in No Place Like Home

Tim: So, Wilson, what are you doing?
Wilson: Well, Tim, I'm carving a nativity scene out of giant radishes. What do you think of my Three Wise Men?
Tim: I think they should come bearing onion dip.
Wilson: [chuckles] See, this is part of the Mexican custom of Noche de Rabanos.
Tim: Um... Night of the Bathroom?
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no, Tim. Night of the Radishes. You see, every Christmas, farming families would head into town and display their tuberous creations.

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Features in the collection: Christmas Quotes.

‘Christmas Quotes’

Quote from Mark in Yule Better Watch Out

Jill: Actually, honey. I think that those guys at the mall are Santa's helpers, you know. The way that AI is Daddy's helper.
Tim: Right.
Mark: So they do all the work.
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: They assist Santa. Like AI assists me.
Mark: Oh, that makes sense.

Quote from Randy in Yule Better Watch Out

Randy: OK, fine. Here's the truth. There used to be a Santa Claus. But he died six years ago.
Brad: Yep, you just missed out.
Mark: Santa Claus isn't dead.
Randy: Yes, he is. He had a terrible accident with one of his reindeer. Blitzen fell on him.
Mark: He's really dead?
Brad: Kicked the bucket.
Randy: Bought the dirt farm.
Brad: Six feet under.
Randy: Pushing up the daisies.
Brad: Deader than a doornail.
Randy: Stiff as a board.
Brad: Cold as ice.
Randy: Met his maker.

 ‘No Place Like Home’ Quotes

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: You know, closing up the old childhood home can be a traumatic thing. I know it was for me.
Tim: A lot of memories?
Wilson: Yeah, they're still vivid. Waking up to the sound of a hyena laughing. The sweet smell of hay as the zebra grazed. The sight of a mother rhinoceros feeding her calf.
Tim: Uh, you... you were raised in Africa?
Wilson: Chicago. In an apartment overlooking the zoo.

Quote from Tim

Jill: How are you, honey?
Tim: I'm good. I was just thinking how much I'm like this house.
Marty: You mean you both have old, leaky pipes?
Tim: I'm speaking metaphorically.
Jeff: Metaphorically? You actually know what that means?
Tim: I have a neighbor who explains stuff like this to me.

Quote from Tim

Al: Well, [sighs] I shall just head up to the roof.
Tim: I'll just be down here collecting the soot, Al. All right, there's two things to tell about cleaning a chimney.
[phone rings] Whose job was it to unplug the phone? Would somebody answer that, please?
Randy: I'll get it.
Tim: Thank you. OK, there's two things I'm gonna tell you about cleaning out a chimney.
Randy: Dad, it's Grandma. She wants to know whether we're coming up Saturday or Sunday.
Tim: Tell her Saturday. All right, there's two things about cleaning out your chimney.
Randy: What time on Saturday?
Tim: Eight o'clock. Don't you hate when your mom calls you and you're working on a live TV show? There's two things...
Randy: Should she make breakfast for us?
Tim: [sighs] Mom, do you know I'm working on a live TV show here?
Randy: Yeah, and she says your fly's undone.
Tim: What? [looks down]
Randy: Grandma says, "Got ya."