Tim Quote #2322

Quote from Tim in Workin' Man Blues

Jill: Wow! His boss is taking him out to lunch. This job is really working out.
Tim: Maybe it's just me, but I think he's picking up a lot of bad habits down there. You noticed what he does first thing in the morning?
Jill: Couldn't be any worse than what you do.
Tim: He's reading the financial section.
Jill: What's wrong with that?
Tim: You don't do that. You read the sports section first. Then the comics. And then whatever that first section's called.
Jill: The news.

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 ‘Workin' Man Blues’ Quotes

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: So, what brings you to this indoor amalgam of vendors, colloquially known as "the mall?"
Brad: I'm just killing time before my job interview at the Wiener Barn. What are you doing?
Wilson: Well, Brad, I'm on a quest for a new hobby. I've narrowed it down to either channeling Aztec spirits... ...or rollerblading. Brad, do you know anything about these skates?
Brad: Sure do. These softer ones are for indoor. These harder, faster ones are for outdoor. The bearings are rated by ABEC numbers that go from one to 12. Most use three.
Wilson: Well, I don't know, Brad. Maybe channeling Aztec spirits is a lot safer.
Brad: Aren't the Aztecs the ones that cut the hearts out of people that were still alive?
Wilson: [gulps] I'm gonna go for those Turbo Roller 2000s.

Quote from Heidi

Tim: Well, that finishes our segment on home safety. I hope you learned something.
Al: I know I have. Next time, we'll use a fireproof sign.
Heidi: I'll call our insurance adjuster.
Tim: It's on the speed dial, number eight.
Heidi: Oh, really?

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.