Tim Quote #2118
Quote from Tim in Alarmed by Burglars
Al: Well, Sammy, where would you like to begin?
Sammy: With the obvious, Al. The front door. I'll step outside. You lock it up. And we'll see just how secure it is. [exits]
Tim: OK. Great. Good. Great. Fine. I think the old Samster's in for a little surprise. That's a solid oak door. I installed a rim-proof, jimmy-proof lock, which I call pretty much impenetrable.
Sammy: [opens door] Pretty much. Unless you're foolish enough not to use the deadbolt. Then someone could open it with a credit card.
Tim: Well, good way to wreck your credit card.
Sammy: Actually, I wrecked yours.
Tim: All right. Hmm...
Al: Why don't we step out into the backyard and see if there are any vulnerable places out there.
[As Tim reaches into his back pocket to put his credit card away, Sammy hands him his wallet]
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Alarmed by Burglars’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: How could you let Tim put in such a ridiculous alarm system?
Jill: Well, it was actually my idea.
Wilson: Your idea?
Jill: Yeah. After you got robbed, I got scared. I started imaging horrible things happening to the family. Crazy people lurking behind every door, scaring the kids, taking all our stuff.
Wilson: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And you thought that by putting in a state-of-the-art alarm system, you'd no longer be afraid.
Jill: Well, yeah. But now all I'm afraid of is setting off this insane system!
Wilson: Well, Jill, I wouldn't worry about it. As the physicist Edward Teller told me over borscht at the Russian Tea Room, total security has never been available to anyone. To expect it is unrealistic. To imagine that it can exist is an invite to disaster.
Quote from Al
Tim: Guys, I'm serious. I'm serious. I think it's time "The Tool Man" just scaled back a bit.
Benny: Yeah, right. That would be like Babe Ruth bunting.
Marty: Raquel Welch wearing a parka.
Harry: Benny picking up a check.
Al: It would be like my mother going to a buffet and only having a salad. Did I say that?
Quote from Jill
Jill: Look, if this can happen to Wilson, it can happen to us! I want floodlights, surveillance cameras, uh, uh, uh...
panic buttons, uh, uh, the works, everything!
Tim: You know, I am... I am getting very excited. I hope this isn't just a big tease.
Jill: I am not teasing you. I am turning you loose to buy the biggest, most powerful security system that money can buy.
Tim: [groans] Ohh...
Jill: I will even allow you to do a Tool Time remote in the house.
Tim: I have never loved you as much as I do at this moment.