Al: You know, Ilene, I resent your attitude towards my mother. She's a wonderful, giving woman who lights up all the lives she touches.
Ilene: Oh, please! I am so sick of you putting your mother up on a pedestal!
Jill: [quietly to Tim] You got to admire him for having the strength to hoist her up there. Oh, my God! I'm turning into you.
Tim: It's kind of fun, isn't it?

Tim: We really have to get there. Is there a car-rental counter here?
Clerk: Of course. [removes the "Ticket Counter" sign and puts up a "Pilgrim Car Rental" sign] Now, what kind of car would you like? We're running a special on convertibles.
Tim: It's four degrees outside.
Clerk: Then I'd advise you to leave the top up.
Al: Could you give us a map so we could find our way to Kinross?
Clerk: No problem. I don't think the map is going to do you much good.
Al: Why not?
Clerk: The roads are closed.
Tim: Well, why are we renting a car if we can't drive it anywhere?
Clerk: I was wondering the same thing myself.

Tim: Well, it looks like we're going to make it home in time for Christmas, Al.
Al: The only problem is I still don't know what to do about Ilene and my mother. How can I choose between the woman who means more to me than anything, or my girlfriend?