Tim Quote #1535
Quote from Tim in It's My Party
Al: Now, if you want a strong waterproof finish, you can't go wrong with polyurethane. Now, we've already applied one coat with our lamb's-wool applicator.
Tim: Now, if your hardware store doesn't stock a lamb's-wool applicator, don't fret. You just duct tape your pet lamb to a pole. [sound effect of sheep bleating]
Al: Now, for best results, you wanna use two coats. However, before applying the second one, you wanna scuff the first coat with a fiberglass screen which will help the second coat adhere better.
Tim: Easy to install - just set it down underneath your buffer and start buffing. Al uses one of these to buff his legs before he waxes 'em.
Al: Now, speaking of wax - for a gentler, smoother shine, I suggest going with just wax. Of course... [cleans ear] With all the wax I got in there, you could wax a whole basketball court.
Al: Remind me not to shake your hand at the end of the show.
Tim: All right, I'm ready to buff out my wax and show you the difference, but Al's using the buffer, so I've brought my own. Heidi and Stumpy, could you bring out my buffer, please?
Heidi: Here you go, Tim.
Tim: Thank you, guys. Thank you, Stump.
Al: Could you have built a bigger buffer?
Tim: I didn't build this. I bought this at Bob's Big and Tall Appliance Shop.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘It's My Party’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Tim: Wilson, are you naked?
Wilson: No, Tim, I'm wearing a hat.
Tim: Why are you naked?
Wilson: Well, Tim, in Finland, they believe that to rejuvenate the body and the soul, you take a hot sauna bath and you follow that with an ice-cold snow massage.
Tim: What do they follow that up with? A heart attack?
Wilson: No, no, no, Tim. Actually, it's quite invigorating. You know, maybe you'd like to join me for a hot sauna sometime. There's always room for two under my dome.
Tim: No, thanks, Wilson. I'm not much of a "get naked with your neighbor" kind of guy.
Quote from Tim
Marge: Hey, Tim. I see your eyebrows grew back.
Tim: Well, they always do. And they're bushier. They're thicker this time.
Marge: Your wife called and said something about a girl with an injured ankle.
Tim: It's Randy's birthday party and she slipped on the dance floor. Kids.
Marge: Slipped on the dance floor? Let me guess... you overwaxed.
Tim: You know me too well, Marge.
Marge: I should. I see you more often than I see my own husband.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Well, maybe you should do something different to participate in Randy's birthday celebration. As the English author Samuel Johnson said: "Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks."
Tim: If anyone knows about unexpected sparks, it'd be me.
Wilson: Well, I think you'd be more fulfilled if you did something for Randy that was both unique and unexpected.
Tim: Like what?
Wilson: If I knew that, it wouldn't be unexpected.
Tim: Wait. But unexpected, you're saying... You know what's really unexpected?
Wilson: What's that?
Tim: The position of that tattoo.
Wilson: Well, Tim, that's no tattoo. I just sat on a live coal.
Tim: Whoo!