Al Quote #199
Quote from Al in Bachelor of the Year
Tim: Anyway, Ilene, tell us what's going on in the fast-paced world of orthodontia.
Ilene: Oh, it's very exciting. I just got back from a symposium on overbites, and the most interesting thing happened. What are you doing, Al?
Al: Waving.
Ilene: I'm in the middle of a story.
Al: Well, I was just being polite. I feel I have a responsibility to my public.
Ilene: Your public? A few days ago you didn't have a public.
Al: Well, yes, I did. They just didn't know who I was.
Ilene: You know, the way you're acting I'm not sure I know who you are.
Al: Well, I'm still the same old Al Borland. [to a woman passing by] Hey.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Bachelor of the Year’ Quotes
Quote from Mark
Wilson: Mark, are you familiar with photons?
Mark: Sure. I slept on one at my friend Jimmy's house.
Wilson: No, no, I think you're speaking of futons.
Quote from Mark
Mark: The teacher gave me a tough one today. It's about money.
Tim: Hm. What's the problem?
Mark: All right. "Sam has $8. Billy has nothing."
Tim: Wait, wait, wait. Should use real money. Eight bucks?
Mark: Yeah.
Tim: Four, five, six... cool. All right, go ahead.
Mark: All right.
Tim: I'll be Sam. You be Billy.
Mark: Sam gives Billy, 50% of what he has.
Tim: That's $4. One, two, three, four.
Mark: Thanks, Sam.
Tim: All right. Now, Billy gives Sam, 50% of what he has.
Tim: That's two out of the four. OK.
Mark: One, two.
Tim: That's pretty simple. OK.
Mark: All right. Now, Sam gives Billy, a hundred percent of what he has left.
Tim: All right.
Mark: "...how much does Sam have?"
Tim: Nothing.
Mark: Exactly. Thanks, Sam. [walks away with the money]
Tim: Sam wasn't a real bright guy, was he?
Quote from Tim
Al: I must say I'm... I'm very flattered.
Tim: I must say I'm very frightened. Listen to this, "What woman wouldn't wanna cuddle up with Detroit's rugged Mr. Fix-it, Al Borland?" [Al chortles] "Along with his trademark humility, Al displays a quiet competence and an understated sense of humor." So understated, no one gets it.
Al: Obviously someone did.
Tim: Huh? "His big, beaming smile matches his big, beaming behind."
Al: It doesn't say that!
Tim: Well, it should.