Tim Quote #885
Quote from Tim in A Sew, Sew Evening
Joe: Hey, Tool Man. [clunk] Boy, you're jumpy!
Tim: Do you ever use the front door, Joe?
Joe: You know, you really got me in hot water with your wife. I kept trying to figure out why you'd tell me a lie like that. Then it comes to me. You're having an affair, right?
Tim: No, I'm not having an affair.
Joe: OK, then I know what it is. You hate me.
Tim: I wouldn't say that...
Joe: Hey, don't apologize. I know The Meat Man comes on strong sometimes. I'm not everybody's cut of beef. I'm sorry. [they shake hands]
Tim: Hey, look. I'm the one who should apologize for that stupid story.
Joe: Ah, well, I should learn how to let people eat chicken.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘A Sew, Sew Evening’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Tim: Have you ever had a real annoying neighbor?
Wilson: Tim, is this a trick question?
Tim: No, I'm talking about that guy next door to me. He just moved in - Joe. He's already bugging me. [Tim bounces a ball against the fence]
Wilson: I know the feeling, Tim.
Tim: That guy is such a pain in the butt. Just being around him gives me a headache.
Wilson: Tim, you wouldn't happen to have an aspirin on you, would you?
Tim: What would you do?
Wilson: Well, what I would do, when I'm face-to face with an irksome individual, I always say look for the good in people.
Tim: Huh. And that works?
Wilson: Most of the time. And if it doesn't... [catches the ball] I take his ball away.
Quote from Tim
Tim: No way! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Home ec? You really gotta take shop. It's where you learn about tools, building things, tearing stuff down, and... [grunts]
Brad: Yeah, but home ec is me and 30 girls.
Tim: What do you wanna be around 30 girls for? Oh-ho-ho! I catch you. Before you go jumping in a room with 30 girls, you really should take shop.
Brad: Why?
Tim: Shop prepares you for women. You learn how to cut wood. How to sever a finger. You learn pain. Then you're ready for women.
Quote from Jill
Jill: All right, why don't we just sit down and discuss acceptable lies and non-acceptable lies.
Jill: OK, OK. I'll give you some, all right? Lie number one... "I can't go out tonight because my wife is accepting a Mother of the Year award."
Tim: OK.
Jill: All right, lie number two. "I can't go out tonight because my wife is finishing her third book."
Tim: Reading it or writing it?
Jill: Very funny!
Tim: All right, I'm getting the vibe here. "We can't go out tonight because my wife is braiding her back hair."
Jill: Not acceptable!
Tim: A little over the top?
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: All right. "I can't go out tonight because my wife will be hugging me and smothering me in romantic kisses."
Jill: Acceptable, but nauseating.