TV Quotes

Tim: Yeah, thanks, Officer. I'll make sure I get those tickets for Tool Time for you. You bet. So... how was your day?
Jill: Well... When I heard on the news that there was a lawn mower running amuck down I-96, with a police helicopter in hot pursuit, I thought to myself, "Could this be my husband?" Are you all right?
Tim: Pretty good chance of that. Yeah, I'm all right. There's good news and bad news. The bad news is... I got a ticket and they impounded the lawn mower.
Jill: What's the good news?
Tim: Good news is... I mowed 40 lawns and made 186 bucks.

Al: Well, you know, Bob is also here to promote one of my favorite charities.
Tim: The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Flannel.

Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.

Jill: Yeah, well this is only about ten percent of my problems. The other 90 percent... I'm married, too. You see, my husband, he's going through this sort of midlife crisis thing, you know, "Who am I? Where am I? Should I grow a beard? Should I buy a hunting lodge?" And then... And then... And then today, Brad spilled a soda on my paper, Mark's asking for skulls, and before I knew it, I was asking my husband to start construction on an office.
Dr. Breen: What's- What's wrong with your husband building you an office?
Jill: I'm married to Tim Taylor.
Dr. Breen: Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor?
Jill: Yeah, and maybe you'd better switch to a tape recorder here.
Dr. Breen: I hope I have enough batteries.