Tim Quote #368
Quote from Tim in Stereo-Typical
Tim: What I'm trying to say here is that tools in general don't just have to make banging, crashing, sawing noises. Tools can also make music. And to prove my point, I've got a special guest invited here to Tool Time. So I expect a big Tool Time welcome for Miss Janeen Rae Heller. Hi, Janeen. This is my assistant, Al.
Janeen Rae Heller: Oh, I'm a big fan of yours, Al.
Tim: Thanks for that. Why don't you sit right down here? As we all can plainly see, Janeen's got an ordinary Binford crosscut saw. Which means we're gonna have her build us a sun porch.
Janeen Rae Heller: No, Tim, I'm going to be playing music.
Tim: Music to even the most sensitive of ears. All right, hit it, Janeen.
Janeen Rae Heller: Any requests?
Tim: Maybe...
Al: Yes, I have one. It's from my favorite movie.
Tim: Do you know the theme to Dumbo?
Al: Tim, that's my favorite movie about an elephant. I would like to hear "Greensleeves".
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Stereo-Typical’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: And thus you have a beautifully decorated nameplate for your home. So when you come to my door, whose house is it, Al?
Al: Rolyat Mit.
Tim: All you got to do is read it, and it says... Rolyat Mit. How did I screw that up? Anyway, that's just one of the uses for a scrolling saber saw. Another way to make a scroll cut is use your coping saw. Say, Al, do you suppose they call these coping saws cos they're good at handling stress?
Al: I don't think so, Rolyat.
Tim: Thanks, Al. I mean, La.
Quote from Tim
Tim: To most people, saws just mean noise, wood chips. And maybe a missing finger or two. Not to me. [chuckles] To me, a saw says the sound of power, something a man can relate to. Yeah, this bad boy is raw power. [audience grunts] Ar-ar yourselves. Yeah. This is a 3.5-cubic-inch chain saw. Automatic oil, manual chain style. [runs at the audience with the saw] Yeah, you won't have this thing around too long before you hear the wife going: "Are you sure you're supposed to have that running in the bedroom?" You want to cut down on the noise, put some tape across her mouth. I'm kidding. Al, the women know I'm kidding, right?
Al: That's Tim "He's Not Kidding" Taylor... [Tim cuts Al's cardboard sign with the saw] Boy, I'm tired of that sign, Al. Besides, the women know I'm kidding. If not, they're probably too busy yapping to hear me anyway.
Al: [with a new sign] That's Tim Taylor, care of Tool Time, P.O. Box 3273...
Tim: Al, Al. Do the words "job search" mean anything to you at all? [Al rips up the sign]
Quote from Jill
Tim: All right. I'll buy sensible speakers, but we could upgrade the amp, boost the power...
Jill: No boosting. No rewiring. I just want something simple I can turn on.
Tim: Like me.
Jill: Not that simple.