Al Quote #15
Tim: Hands and tools. Hands and tools. Ever looked in the eyes of a man who was building something like a bamboo fly rod, a mahogany boat, or a billeted steel piece for a hot rod? Do you see aggression and destruction? No, you see contentment. Hands and tools, hands and tools can change the world, from building the smallest hobbyist train to the largest outboard-motor engines. Look at this bad boy. Most of you see just a hunk of metal. Not me. This is hundreds of parts working at high rpm, 800 horsepower, tolerances of 1000. Machined by hand, blueprinted and polished. [grunts] But men aren't just into power and steel. Craftsmanship, like this exquisite artwork here. Not Al, the panel. This antique Chinese privacy screen, on loan to us from the Detroit Institute of Arts, is composed of intricate carvings... I think 2,000 man-hours. Correct? 2,000 man-hours. Imagine that. Intricacy beyond belief. Every delicate little nuance is as delicate as crystal. Each piece is so delicate, it could be snapped off just like that... [snaps off a piece] Very often they made a few movable pieces in these pieces... kind of like those little Chinese boxes that you don't know how to open 'em. They're movable parts. Al, do you suppose this is movable, this piece?
Al: I don't think so, Tim.
Tim: Go get me that glue.
Al: What for? Are you gonna glue it to your forehead?
Quote from Jill
Jill: What is this thing on your head?
Tim: It's a little piece of table.
Randy: What happened?
Tim: Old Mr. Negativity, Al, distracted me and I got my head cemented to this table. He had to take a sabre saw to get me off of that table.
Jill: Don't you think you should go to the emergency room?
Tim: I was just there. They said I wasn't a priority.
Jill: Why? Was there a guy with a whole table stuck to his head?
Quote from Dead Weight
Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.
Quote from This Joke's for You
Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.