Tim Quote #77

Quote from Tim in Adventures in Fine Dining

Tim: So Al and I have finished that subfloor. And next time, we'll show you how to lay tongue-and-groove hardwood flooring. Al, what size floorboard are we using on that. Al?
Al: Uh, Tim, they're three inches wide by one eighth of an inch thick. They'll be fastened down by driving a nail at a 45-degree angle -hrough their longitudinal tongue.
Tim: Oh! That's gotta hurt, huh? But we do that to hide the nail, don't we?
Al: That's right, Tim.
Tim: I know that sounds complicated. But it's not. And what you'll end up with is an absolutely beautiful dining-room floor. Speaking of dining rooms, that brings me to today's Tool Tip for Tool Time. It's about etiquette. It's a big word. So get out your dictionary. See, the dining room needs two things to be complete. A floor... [chuckles]... and manners. See, when men are together by ourselves. We don't worry about manners, do we? 'cause, hey, we don't need 'em, do we? At the ball game, what's better than a mustard fight with your buddies. Or spit..., spitting beer? Hey, buddy. Hey! Or my personal favorite, jamming two big french fries up that nose. Acting like a walrus. Hey! It's guy stuff, and women don't appreciate guy stuff and that's the truth. I don't think a woman really understands the diaphragmatic control it takes to do all of the vowels in one belch. A-E-I-O-U. Manners. Use manners. It shows you're civilized. It tells women you're civilized. And they'll keep doing things for you. So always remember that. Use the correct fork. Put the napkin in your lap. And always - I do mean always - excuse yourself when you lose a little pressure. Because I want you to remember, men. The first three letters of "manners" are... [grunts]
[title: "Manners" -> "Men"]
Tim: See you next week.

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 ‘Adventures in Fine Dining’ Quotes

Quote from Randy

Brad: Mom.
Jill: What?
Brad: Dad's cussing.
Tim: I'm not cussing.
Mark: He said a bad word.
Tim: It wasn't bad.
Randy: Yeah, he said "hell" and "damn".
Tim: I did not say "damn".
Randy: Now you did.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Now, what are we gonna do about our boys' table manners?
Tim: You should give a refresher course.
Jill: Me? What about you?
Tim: [mouth full] Honey, I'm a man. What do I know about manners?
Jill: I see. So table manners are the woman's job.
Tim: Historically. Jill, yes, that's the case. Emily Post. Amy Vanderbilt. And, of course, who could forget Miss Manners? I don't recall an etiquette column called "Ask Chuck". "You know, Chuck, I've been eating pot roast all my life. Get that little gristle piece stuck in the middle of my tooth. Do you suck it out with the tongue or ask somebody to do it? Help me out. Haul that thing out."

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: The problem with your boys is they don't know how to channel their mealtime aggression.
Tim: Mealtime aggression?
Wilson: See, Tim, primitive man was a hunter. He had an intimate relationship with his food.
Tim: Lot of dating with wildebeest going on?
Wilson: No, no, no. I'm talking about a spiritual intimacy. They were at one with their meat.
Tim: [inquisitive grunt]
Wilson: The hunter would stalk and kill his prey, then pay homage to the animal spirit. He would give thanks to the animal for giving its life. But the primitive man in us is confused. Today our food comes to the table. We don't know how it got there.
Tim: Gives you something to think about when you open a can of Spam, doesn't it?
Wilson: Yes, indeedy.