Tim Quote #44

Quote from Tim in Satellite on a Hot Tim's Roof

Tim: This is the Binford Mach Three SuperPlunge Router. Oh, a thing of beauty, isn't it? Three horsepower motor. Variable electronic speed control and an adjustable depth-stop system. When using a router, you wanna use a real steady hand.
Al: Well, you might want to use the guide arm so it doesn't get away from you.
Tim: You don't always have to use the guide arm if you have a steady hand.
Al: Well, if you want a straight line, Tim.
Tim: Al, I've been doing this for years, all right? Just hold the table, all right?
Al: Okay.
Tim: Start our cut. Set your depth gauge and get going.
[As Tim starts the router, it veers across the wood creating a loop figure. Afterwards, Tim pulls out his rule and pretends to measure the cut]
Tim: Perfect, Al. Just... does a good job of scrolling. Uh, while Al cleans up this deliberate mess of mine. I'd like to welcome a new family member to Tool Time. Alpena, Michigan. Cold in the winter... Pretty cold in the summer too, isn't it, I tell you. Kidding around with you. It's channel 97 there on your cable box. I'd like to give the folks up there in Alpena - Al, there you are - a Tool Time greeting. What do you say, Al? [Tim grunts] Come on, guys. [audience grunts] Well, I'll tell ya... That's about all for Tool Time today. I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. Hoping... Hoping that all your fasteners stay tight. See you next time. [grunts]

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 ‘Satellite on a Hot Tim's Roof’ Quotes

Quote from Tim

Rondall: Oh, do that thing you do on the show. That barking sound. That... [barks]
Tim: Well, it's really not barking. It's more like a simian grunt. [grunts]
Rondall: Yeah, barking, grunting, whatever. It's a very funny show. You're very funny on it.
Tim: It's not all fun and games. It's a home improvement show. Basically what we do...
Rondall: Well, but you're very funny on it. Not like the other guy on the show. The guy who knows everything.
Tim: Al. Al's my assistant. He assists me.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Tim, what do you know about installing a satellite dish?
Tim: It's simple. Mount it, point it straight up. Any man can do that.
Jill: Yeah, but... But it has to stay up longer than ten seconds.

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.